India saw a sudden surge in COVID-19 infections during April 2021 and after. The incidence of death among the young increased in comparison to the previous wave of COVID in the nation. As a mental health professional working with clients, and in discussion with colleagues about their experience in personal and professional life, I found several of the below feelings important to know about. An attempt is also made to clarify on how to deal with each of these feelings in a healthy way and what to avoid when it comes to these feelings.

Grief

Grief or sadness is a feeling that we experience when we encounter loss. We may experience grief in several instance during COVID-19. We may lose someone dear to us during this period. Depending on how dear the person was to us, the intensity of grief also can vary. The way that people experience grief also can vary from person to person. Some have a personality by which they do not readily feel grief. In others, grief may manifest intensely. We may also feel sad when we see that someone dear to us suffering from grief due to a loss they faced. Even if it is not someone dear, seeing humans around us suffering can trigger grief for us.

How to handle this feeling: Grief is a necessary feeling to make peace with the loss. When we feel grief or sadness, it is important at this time to first identify what/who we have lost and acknowledge the significance of the loss. Grieving is a time when we need to talk to others who can understand this feeling without judging or justification. Grief will pass with time if it is give due space in life.

What to avoid: Grief, if suppressed or numbed out, tends to be pushed to the unconscious mind. From there, it can manifest in multiple problematic ways: anxiety, depression, psychosomatic illness, are few of them. Another feeling that intrudes with grief is guilt, which involves blaming self for the loss of person and not preventing it or not being in touch with them early enough. If that happens, it would be helpful to remember that: “There are limits to what I can control.” That is the truth too. We are not all-powerful and all-knowing that we can predict what would happen and prevent that.

Anger

Anger may come to us due to various reasons during COVID times. One reason can be that we see people are not being as careful and responsible as they need to be. This may apply towards people that we know personally or towards general public. We may see that someone in our family or neighbors in our apartment are not behaving responsibly. This may include simple but important things like wearing mask properly. We also may read news of large gatherings happening in several parts of country for whatever reason, without people being sensitive to the fact that such gatherings can flame the fire of the spread of pandemic. Seeing all this, we may think to ourselves: “Why can’t they just understand?” “If I can isolate myself, why can’t they?” We become angry at these behaviors.

How to handle this feeling: The first step is to realize that this anger is a justified feeling. If you are feeling angry at those who are irresponsible, you are absolutely experiencing a valid feeling. Tricky part here becomes the separating of the feeling from the way it is expressed. While it is ok to feel angry, expressing anger in a disrespectful manner is not going to solve any problem. Hence this anger needs to be channeled to a solution-oriented expression. This includes repeatedly reminding those who are violating the expected norms of the COVID-19 appropriate behavior. Such people are discounting the importance of taking precautions. It is necessary to be stern with them but still kind. You may confront them respectfully and educate them till the point is driven home. If met with complete denial, the only thing you can do is to protect yourself and others against the irresponsibility of such a person. You may see what steps you need to take to have that protection in place.

What to avoid: Confronting aggressively is what needs to be avoided. When someone is confronted disrespectfully, the subject of confrontation takes a backseat and disrespect becomes primary focus. Though it may be tempting for us to vent anger on someone and feel relieved, it is not going to create any change.

Panic

The media is always ready to tout reports of doom and gloom as compared to news that can bring hope. Also we hear first hand information of people passing away due to pandemic, absence of infrastructure, deaths despite absence of conditions of comorbidity. Such news can rattle us and shake our secure sense of living. We need our world to be safe for us to function properly in other areas like work, creativity. If safety becomes the prime focus and is under threat, it becomes priority and other functions like relating, working, creating takes a hit. Sometimes, we may live with people who panic quite soon and their panic may tend to transfer onto us.

How to handle this feeling: We need to first understand that by proper knowledge, it is not difficult to keep ourselves safe from COVID-19. Preventive steps are pretty straightforward and easy to follow. Even if you contract COVID-19, by knowing what steps you need to take during each step of infection, you can avoid any adverse outcome for you and your loved ones. If you acknowledge that you have this much of control, and are willing to take proactive steps based on what we encounter, there is no need to panic. To bring down panic, you may practice mindfulness exercise for grounding and centering oneself. If you find yourself not calming down still, do take steps to seek professional help with a mental health professional. It is also important to respectfully confront those who are contributing to panic and to request them to stop.

What to avoid: One main thing to avoid is to not add on to the panic by buying into it and contributing to it. People spread panic through social media by forwarding unpleasant news that is not vital to know, and forwards without verifying. It is important not to be one of them.

Guilt

Guilt can affect one during these times. One expression I often hear is “I feel guilty to be so privileged when everyone is suffering.” This is something like a survivor’s guilt with the difference that it is a guilt that one is not suffering when others are suffering. One may also feel that they are having a better financial situation to face this pandemic than many who do not have that. For this article, let us call this as “Guilt of privilege.”

Another type of guilt can be guilt due to passing on infection to another person who then had their own consequence of the illness. Let us call this as “Infector’s guilt”

How to handle these feelings: We first need to understand the purpose of guilt. It is a feeling that triggers our conscience, it alerts us if we are doing something against our values and morals so that we can correct ourselves for future. Wallowing in guilt is never a healthy option and doesn’t bring desirable results. With this understanding, let us look at each of the above guilt. For those feeling “Guilt of privilege”, the only thing they did is take the right steps to avoid the infection. They need to first stroke (appreciate and acknowledge) themselves for avoiding the illness. Then they need to help those who are suffering in whatever capacity that they can. One type of help can be financial support that one may give to another, for example, their household help or contribution to a relief fund. Another type of help can be passing on information and contacts from where those affected can get the help they want.

For those affected with “Infector’s guilt,” it is important to focus on future. You may examine what may be your discount of reality due to which you were infected or passed on infection. If you have a contribution in your infection passing on to another, you can make a resolve how to avoid such a lapse in future. Such a lesson learnt in life can be bigger than just being safe from COVID. Also it will be helpful to acknowledge that “I am not in control of everything. There are things I do not control”

What to avoid: What is to be avoided is to wallow in this guilt which may lead to unconscious sabotage of one’s state of safety from the illness. This means that some one who is guilty of privilege may do something to unconsciously put self at a disadvantage to feel relief from this guilt. One needs to be mindful of such a sabotage in order to avoid it. Best thing you can do for others is keep oneself safe. If we all do that, pandemic cannot spread the way it is doing now.

Helplessness and Futility

This feeling is a close relative of the feeling of panic. We may look at the disheartening news and feel helpless and have a feeling of futility. Many in nation and in our circle may be suffering but there is not much we can do. This may cause feelings of helplessness.

How to handle this feeling: A reason for this feeling is because we are fighting against this helplessness. We know that we cannot do much beyond a certain level and we are not fine with our limitation. If we accept and surrender to the fact that: “I am limited being. There are limits to what I can do,” we can be at peace with this limitation

What to avoid: Staying in this feeling for too long a time needs to be avoided. Taking this feeling too far can lead to diminishing of one’s own morale and may even cause a slip into depressive state. State of mental wellbeing is difficult to maintain during these times. A self created issue like this can add on to reduction of our wellbeing.

Loneliness and Depression

Social distancing and lockdown are leading to very less face to face meetings. Due to this, previous opportunities we had to meet others physically and have exchanges of intimacy are no more available. This leads to a state of stroke deprivation, which is a state where we don’t get the dose of human contact required to stay mentally healthy. This, in addition to lack of enough sunlight or lesser opportunities to exercise, lowers the general sense of mental wellbeing and leads to feelings of loneliness and depression

How to handle this feeling: It is important to remain in touch with our circle of contacts through virtual meetings or phone calls so that we get enough personal contact. If we are living with others, it is important to find time to sit down and talk from the heart. If you don’t have a circle, this is a good time to make one. It is easy at this time as so many are recognizing the same need to connect. One just needs to ask. In addition, we need to ensure to get at least 20 minutes of exposure to sun everyday even if it is through a balcony or a terrace. If one’s mental state is not recovering by the above means, it is necessary to take help of others or seek consultation from a mental health professional

What to avoid: Isolating oneself further and cutting off contacts should be avoided. On the other hand, violating COVID-19 appropriate behavior and face to face socializing should be avoided. It may be tempting to do that to escape from the feeling of loneliness, but the risk of such a path is much higher.

In Summary

The essential message of this article is summarized below as a list of Do’s and Don’ts. Following these can help manage the feelings experienced during the pandemic.

Do’s:

1. Being in touch with others, take support as needed
2. Take out time to acknowledge and express grief
3. Be in acceptance of our limitations by acknowledging that: “We cannot control everything”
4. Acquire the correct knowledge about preventing and handling infection
5. Confront others with respect where needed
6. Help others with correct information or other means that you may have
7. Seek help for mental health as needed

Don’ts:

1. Don’t isolate oneself
2. Don’t be aggressive while confronting others
3. Don’t buy into or contribute to further mass panic
4. Don’t wallow in guilt or futility
5. Don’t violate norms of COVID appropriate behavior